Why Dads Should Be Harsh

 Almost without limit.

 If you want approval, go to your mom. The parent who hangs up your toddler scrawl on the fridge like the kitchen is a world-famous art museum. Unless she's seriously deranged, she thinks you're perfect just the way you are.

 Consequently, you learn her approval is meaningless. Create a masterpiece? Advance the sum total of planetary wisdom? "That's wonderful, I love you!" Literally shit your pants? "That's okay, I still think you're wonderful, love you!" If anything, it's an accomplishment to get her to disapprove.

 A father's approval has to mean something, because someone's approval needs to mean something, and by process of elimination... 

 When dad approves, you can be sure it's good enough. 

 When you throw a tantrum, dad should shut you in a soundproof room so he doesn't have to hear it. Forgets to let you out for dinner? "Oh, whoops." That's not abuse, that's good. Try to get something by saying, "I want it I want it" over and over? Enjoy your new muzzle, bitch. Dad gag, lel. 

 Good. Excellent. Why?

 What you need to know is that, when dad gives you something, it's not because you forced him. It's not because you manipulated him. It's not because he's afraid of the government. It's not because mom will divorce him if he doesn't. It's not because you'll say, "I hate you!" even if you really mean it. It's not because he's hallucinating: he definitely sees you as you really are. 

 In a very real sense, mom's love is fake. She doesn't have a choice, any more than she has a choice about anything else. It's not earned. It doesn't matter who or what you are - you can even be adopted, or, like, literally a cat - you get mom!love anyway. Mom's approval is all but empty because it's not optional.

 

 Is getting hit so hard you fall over when you mess up, shall we say, suboptimal? Sure.

 Worth it, though.

 

 When your father gives you something, it's because he wants you to have it. That's it. That's all.