Come to think, it shouldn't be counter-intuitive at all, should it? Being spoiled is a kind of trauma.
Naively, I thought, and rather expect most would think, that the arrogance of a spoiled brat and the insecurity of having been abused would be opposites. Just recently I observed a case of someone who was both very clearly traumatized-delusional and a spoiled brat.
And isn't that completely wrong? The arrogance is exactly a manifestation of insecurity. That's why the spoiled brat is oversensitive. It's insecurity at one remove.
Parents can't love their kids too much. That's not how love works. For comparison, it is also impossible to be too wise or for something to be too beautiful.
A spoiled child is exactly the kid who receives an overabundance of the trappings of love, without, you know, actual love. Do they notice? Surely kids are simpletons, right? Not nearly dumb enough. They absolutely notice. Like every kid who isn't loved by their parents, they conclude it is because they are unlovable.
Then they go insane.
It is perhaps slightly curious that a kid who was largely in a state of privation can still be spoiled. I would have thought the large helping of abuse would disabuse them of the vainglorious pride, but of course, on reflection, that is hardly the case, now is it? The message, "You're unlovable but deserve a lot of material stuff," isn't high on Kolmogorov complexity. It can be delivered quickly. "I'm a terrible parent for abusing you openly, here, have some gifts that still aren't love. Maybe I suck, but I'm trying my best! 🙃" In parallel, the arrogance is primarily a defence mechanism. There are no barriers to aligning the force vectors of push and pull. The arrogant mostly-abused spoiled brat thinks, "I'm better than this, I don't deserve this," which results in them thinking, when they go out into the world, that all negative attention is undeserved.
They oversimplify their message to themselves, because of course stress and trauma flagrantly consume cognitive resources. They spend a lot of mental cycles holding themselves back, applying consciously-forced inhibition, trying to avoid flipping the frig out. They don't have enough spare to calmly consider the nuances of their self-messaging.
The problem, which makes it vainglory, is that in their bones the spoiled brat most certainly does think they deserved to be ridiculed and outcast. What drives them crazy is seeing the inner voice they're so carefully smothering being echoed and resonated on the outside. "Red alert! We're surrounded!"
They're insane because they must think that all negative attention is undeserved, but they actually think that all negative attention is deserved. Oof.
"I'm better than this, I don't deserve this - even mommy, who is the one doing it to me, says so." Oof.
If you deliver any valid criticism, now you're attacking their mom. You know how folk get when you insult their mother.
Though admittedly if you could explain to me why parents get so inviolate, that would be great. It's important because folk, being basically sufficiently stupid and self-unaware, approximate the government as mommy and/or daddy, which is what causes nonviolent reform to be impossible.
2 comments:
I think part of the problem is the lack of common understand of what "love" is.
The best definition I've come up with is that when you behold a thing in it's entirety, you want it to be happy.
Perhaps you have a thought or three on this.
Folk regularly trade happiness for satisfaction of higher values. Happiness is a psyop.
I once heard that originally "pursuit of happiness" was "protection/security of property." Naturally, the latter had to go.
When I care for someone, I want them to be content, healthy, satisfied, and powerful. Does that make them happy? Not up to me. Not my problem.
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