Wednesday, June 29, 2022

False Intimacy of School

You shouldn't track favours with your friends with money. You should both be well into the green, so who exactly is benefiting more doesn't matter. The costs your friends impose on you should be so much lower than the benefits that asking for compensation is genuinely insulting outside very special circumstances.

A key feature of narcissism is false intimacy. Such as allowing a stranger to impose a cost on you without paying for it. The narcissist has a very twisted relationship with attachment, typically having boundaries that include everyone. "Everyone is identical so everyone is me." It would be weird not to be intimate with yourself.

At school, you don't pay and don't get paid. As if you're in an intimate relationship with your school. As small children (say, before 8) should indeed be in an intimate relationship with their caregiver. Except, of course, you're extremely not in an intimate relationship. School isn't in the least bit interested in letting you impose costs on it, and will react to even minor transgressions with extraordinary violence, just like an insecure government does.

The school is intentionally designed to model narcissistic sociology. Encourages you to destroy or disregard your boundaries.


JBPguy said...

Very good, concise and to the point.

Regarding school and costs - so, the idea should be that the child feels that they are gaining great value from school.

It makes sense now why they allow teachers to be overly friendly and permissive. A deeper feeling of (or perhaps a regressive or preferable) intimacy than with the parent.

Of course, teachers want to be liked and are naturally incentivised to behave in this way. (Are teachers trained to behave in this way or selected?)

I would guess that your perspective of proper parenting is a slow transition from "100% of your demands and wants are met", ie, infants are always right, to "I need something from you too".

Hmm is that not (the appeal of) communism in a nutshell? To each according to his needs?

Alrenous said...

Communism is hardcore Fascism, and it's not a coincidence I always call Fascism the politics of narcissism. Technically real Communism is impossible because everyone starves to death - it's all degrees of Fascism.

JBPguy said...

>real Communism is impossible because everyone starves to death
"I need food, who's going to get it for me?" * the entire population

The College Reactionary said...

I imagine that narcissists are intimate with everyone except for themselves, because they need the red queen's power of believing whatever they want to believe.

And thus, lying to themselves while telling the truth to everyone else, because it's not a lie if you believe it.