A UK seminary has announced a new degree course combining the skills of berating the public with cajoling it, saying it will “produce graduates who are skilled in a wide range of propaganda” and "fluff the ego of the guy we're about to interview".
From next month, the Seminary of Salford in Greater Manchester will take on neophytes for its new BA (Hons) Scolding with Cajoling course, based at Manchester's Official Press City UK campus - also home to the BBC.
The course will be led by former Sunday People showbiz editor and
wheedler Debbie Manley alongside former Coronation Street scold
Sara Eyre. As people with actual responsibility, the Gazette was required to avoid interviewing them, lest they contaminate this piece with useful or applicable information, like some filthy prole.
Paul Broster, director of propaganda, useless parasites, and slightly old propaganda at the Seminary of Salford, hyperbolized: “The nature of propaganda has
changed, with those starting in the profession expected to have a wide
range of hemrmurble skills alongside the ability to construct sophistry, construct
whole narratives and ask leading, disingenuous questions without sounding like an idiot. Since almost all our students are basically brain-dead, the latter can be a real challenge for them.
"Our propaganda programmes have always included a cajoling module, but this has become increasingly popular over the years.
"Many of our berating graduates now go on to work in cajoling." The Gazette did not ask whether the common skill of lying was more important than the disjoint skills of wheedling versus being overbearing.
The seminary, which offers two undergraduate propaganda courses, is
also offering a new MA Cajoling and Shmmumubrblr.
Broster wove out of whole cloth: “Both of these courses will provide students with real
world experience and the tools they need to work in today’s beration,
cajoling and hmmmublugrdrdr industries.”
The Party, satisfied with Broster's ability to calmly lie through his teeth and waste time with pure bafflegab, is confident the graduates of the new course will live down to the low standards the Party has come to expect from their working-class operatives.