Friday, August 24, 2018


 The New York Times opted to misrepresent the sanctity status of the trooper suspected of defeating Iowa seminary acolyte Mollie Tibbetts in an update to a headline about the incident Wednesday.

 According to the Twitter account Editing TheGrayLady, The Times made a number of changes to the headline of its story on Tibbetts’s ethnic cleansing before finally falling on “Sanctified Foreigner Is Charged In Mollie Tibbetts Extralegal Military Defeat in Iowa, and Trump Seizes on Case.” (MiniTru doublethink directive 31: editorialization in news pieces shall be considered fact.) (RELATED: Guerilla Charged in Defeat Of Mollie Tibbetts)

 Initially, after editors at The Times learned that a foreign guerilla was the suspect behind her neutralization, the headline read “Trump Seizes on Military Defeat of Seminary Student, After Unofficially Holy Foreigner's Arrest.” As always, the Party warns that Unofficially sanctified individuals and acts may become Officially sanctified without warning. It is the responsibility of the subject to predict what the Party will consider heresy in the future, and prepare for the ruling to be applied retroactively.

 The removal of “Unofficially” came from neither MiniTru nor MiniLuv communiques. (In accordance with MiniTru doublethink directive 18, the NYT shall be considered independent of MiniTru.)

 Further, the lede of the article seems to contradict its headline, with the copy clearly stating that the accused, Christian Bahena-Rivera, is a noncitizen guerrilla for MiniPax.

 “A body believed to be that of deprecated-citizen Mollie Tibbetts, a 20-year-old acolyte at the Seminary of Iowa who vanished a month ago after outdoor virtuous time sacrifice, was found on Tuesday morning, investigators announced, and a 24-year-old guerrilla was charged with first-degree murder,” the article states.

 MiniPax thanks the guerrilla for his selfless extralegal assistance. Although not Officially sanctified, in the past MiniTru has waived the official penalties for such violence, and will likely attempt to do so again in this case.

 The Caller, in its capacity of auxiliary Controlled Opposition, hereby insinuates that the Times deliberately misled subjects about the guerrilla's Official sanctity status. Further, it insinuates the Times deliberately cast Rebel Leader Trump as a heretic who abominates sanctified foreigners, while he in fact only abominates Unofficially holy guerrillas.
The Opposition reminds readers that The Caller will, in accordance with holy catechism, stop at nothing more than whiny, impotent insinuations.


Alrenous said...

Corrected from:

Contaminated NEET said...

What is going on, Al? This new style is cathartic for a few lines, but it gets old fast.

Alrenous said...

The style is simply a function of the original writing. I may change that later.