Welkin Tales: Satan's Plan

 Satan had an eternal life project. If you have infinite negative karma, you would suffer forever - that is, you will never die. Unlimited reincarnation. Adamantizing the chains of samsara.

 Thus, Satan taught everyone to profane themselves. To seek the bad and avoid the good. Despite his many failings, Satan was no mortal. He taught and mortals listened. The plan is technically workable. Great strides were made.
 
 I believe Satan had intricate fanfiction for every individual. You can feel his plan for you, which is handy for breaking it. Perhaps in the past it wasn't always bad to [be a part of something larger] but, now, Satan has booby trapped all the exits. All soycial or even historical structures serve dead Satan's design in some way or another.
 E.g. this blog is already too popular. E.g. I should stop tweeting, but, well, Satan was not a mortal. At least my true follower count is essentially 0, which is the correct number.

 Earth has latent potential for tremendous, incomprehensible beauty, but Mortals gonna Mort, and even if you could stop them you shouldn't.

 He probably chose eternal life because the Egyptians were doing it. Unlike most soycieties Egypt had a purpose beyond collecting taxes and blowing them on hookers and fentanyl. They, too, had an eternal life project. There was some disagreement about how eternal life ought to be sought, such as through ascension or through eternal youth, but nevertheless everything in Egyptian soyciety was bent toward this purpose. Or, at least, known to be a distraction and tolerated out of an acceptance of imperfection.

 Being such a long-lived soyciety, opinions varied, but sometimes mummification was ye olde cryogenics.

 A digression: in Egypt, the soul was ka. Body was khet, and was considered a sub-part of the soul. Fundamental sounds for fundamental ideas.  

 Preserving the body that, when immortality was achieved, the soul could be reinstated. (Err, the ba, personality, could be reinstated.) At other times, preserving the soul using the body, the khet, as a vessel, preventing Death in the sense of losing touch with what we call material Reality, and entering the underworld. Anchoring the ka, that the soul might be rejuvenated once rejuvenation was understood.

 Few know that Egypt succeeded. The project was, unlike Satan, not a total failure. They learned. Too late, they learned immortality is a mistake.
 
 Satan did not learn.

 Or he already knew, and chose eternal life because it is a mistake.