If rhetoric ever seems confusing or mysterious, remind yourself of the fundamental. There are two kinds. Some come off as insanely self-absorbed, and others, who are massive liars.
There's two kinds. Some are trying to get their hand into your pocket, and others, who pretend they aren't trying to get their hand into your pocket.
Mcdonalds wants their hand in your pocket, and they offer a burger as a key. Others say they don't want their hand in your pocket, because they want into your pocket but have nothing to offer. They can only get in through fraud and deception.
If the self-interest is not obvious, it is because they have nothing to offer and know you will see the ask as illegitimate. Once you realize they have something to hide, you can easily work out what they're hiding, but it's unnecessary, superfluous, and redundant. They believe the ask is illegitimate. You can simply believe them and lightly reject it.
"You don't get to decide [x]" means only, "You're threatening to damage my ability to decide [x]." But who cares? Ask what's in it for you. If it's nothing, they are your enemy. They are a traitor. Friend only to self-hatred.
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