https://twitter.com/eigenrobot/status/1819845066631860239
When I first woke up, I was walking with my parents in the front garden near the well. It had a protruding metal pipe about my height. I was 3.
I stopped and wondered what I was doing, what I was trying to do, where I was, why I was there... No idea what was going on, and aware I kinda should know, what with already being standing and stuff.
Then I saw a bumblebee fly out of the pipe (this is in fact impossible, the pipe has a mesh on it). The bumblebee startled me and I was afraid of being stung. I thought I shouldn't bat at it and provoke it into stinging me, but was unable to stop myself, flailing both arms at it. Possibly because I was still disoriented. The excitement was too much and I blacked out again.
During this period I experienced the memory of consciousness very much like a film. A strip of colour and sound moving from left to right, followed by a hard vertical line to pure black. Later there would be another hard vertical line, changing to consciousness again. There were numerous discrete periods of being conscious. I noticed I could remember facts from the black periods, despite the lack of video or audio. See also: when the consciousness comes online, the kid doesn't forget how to talk.
I noticed I was still conventionally awake during the black periods during a particularly short one. I knowingly provoked a small dog and it snapped at me. Fear made me black out, and while I was unconscious I ran home and relayed the events to my mother, among other things, before waking up again.
The replies saying they were always self-aware still aren't conscious and are dunning-krugering the question. They are genuine empirical p-zombies. Likely also the ones talking about philosophical relations between themselves and the world, though maybe those are merely midwits.
I expect the loose-connection thing I experienced is probably common, but probably lost to memory. Well beyond the understanding of most toddlers. Lacking a schema, it isn't indexed. Normies prefer to repress any events they don't understand.
Prussian pedophile school is explicitly designed to permanently shut down the consciousness. Once shut down the memories of being conscious are no longer accessible.
Given the nature of dire apes, you could even say that amputating the consciousness is a mercy. However, the net result is a guaranteed rerun after their bodily death.
1 comment:
you should write a story.
i think i would've had an answer to this question once but now i'm not sure. partly because my memory is mutable, partly because it's not obvious to me 'consciousness' is a binary. the implication to begin with is gnostic, that it's not the medical definition but a second definition, and it's not obvious to me the count stops at two. it seems to me consciousness is a matter of power, or the simultaneous suspension of fear while reaching for a purpose, which i should always be seeking to increase, but in any case, i have been increasing.
"when was the first time it increased a lot" is a trauma shape to me, a 'you haven't finished figuring this one out yet'. which i try to figure out. while 'which one is the earliest one you haven't yet figured out' seems a significant divergence from the question. reminds me of the groundbreaking book question. groundbreaking is implied to mean best, but it seems to me everything good builds upon the last.
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