I cannot stop laughing.
I am Alre-nous, and this is my cut-rate knockoff, FakeNous.
What am I? I am what a university professor of philosophy would be like if they weren't retarded. You're here because you want to know, "What if philosophy professors said things, that happen to be counterintuitive, because they are true, instead of being iconoclastic to signal they can get away with it?"
Genuinely couldn't be more on-the-nose if I had planned it.
As I've said before, I didn't even try to go into Academic philosophy, because even as a teenager I was fully aware there was no philosophy going on in philosophy departments. (Kripke is a clown. You're supposed to think it's funny.)
Try not to be more naive than teenager-version me. This should not be a difficult standard.