Americans Are Drunk

 I saw a guy. He was really dumb. Then I saw him get very drunk. He acted the same, if, amazingly, even dumber. You couldn't tell he was drunk if he hadn't told you. No novel slurring. Mannerisms identical. Then I realized I had it backwards: you couldn't tell if he's sober. Then I realized he was normal. Americans act drunk even when they're stone sober. Including acting stupid.
 This guy drinks constantly and is probably an alcoholic, but the endpoint merely highlights the trend.

 I never really saw the problem with drinking on the job, because I've never met anyone who acts sober when they're sober. What's the big deal? 

 I never really saw how drunks are supposed to be annoying for sober folk. I mean, they're annoying anyway? What's the big deal? 

 Americans aren't sophisticated enough to approve of both sobriety and drunkenness. Context sensitivity is too far for these simpletons. Prohibition failed, so they approve of drunkenness. Everyone should be at least tipsy at all times. If you can't actually booze up, you should fake it. Hence, they do. It's so common they forgot what it's about, and acting brain dead is just how they do things around there.

 Americans have cultivated a culture that's all but intolerable when you're sober, thus the strong push to get everyone to the bar, so they can bring their norms and their biology into harmony. Everyone is drunk and annoying anyway; might as well be actually drunk. Less annoying that way. Pratchett's Sam Vimes was knurd, he had to get at least a little drunk to reach normal. That is, he was actually sober as compared to an American's sobriety standard; incapable of acting drunk unless he was genuinely intoxicated.

 E.g. Americans aren't gregarious. It's just mimicking the drunk's lack of filter. "I love you man, no homo." "We literally just met." "You're the best." "You're not even listening are you." E.g. Americans aren't easy to scam, they're just too drunk to distrust. E.g. Americans like cars because you're allowed to act sober as long as nobody's looking.

 The only question. Which is it:
 1) "Nobody could possibly be stupid enough to believe I'm sober."
 2) "Nobody could possibly be stupid enough to believe I'm drunk."
 Bit of a toss-up.