Friday, December 2, 2022

Ever wanted to read middle class: the book?

Here you go: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/55114/the-type-specialist

Closely follows Japanese norms by including all the social boilerplate. How are you supposed to maintain your middle class standing if you skip any formulaic repetition? That's, like, disrespectful.

Author: "After exchanging pleasantries, we..."
Middle class author: *painstakingly describes every pleasantry*

Ever wanted to know what their manic, delusional crazes looked like from the inside? Fear not, here's a first person perspective.

Normal person: "I spent months freaking the hell out about something that did not remotely happen. Maybe I shouldn't let my emotions get so unmoored next time around?"
Middle classer: "Shit! I'm not freaking the hell out about nothing! I need a new death spiral, STAT!" 

Look guy, this isn't an Assassination Classroom isekai. It's heckin Pokemon. Not exactly Danganronpa.  If you reveal your 'otherwordly knowledge' most likely...fuck all will happen.
Have you considered...feeling a guy out? Call him up for a chat, see what kinda guy he seems like to you.

"Ooooor...I could spend subjective years of my life brooding in ever more neurotic ways!"
Yes....yes you could do that.
"I'll do it alone!"
Ummm
"By myself!"

First arc: there was a villain. Stuff almost happened, but nothing did.
(The worst consequence was that one of the minor villains, who we'll never see more than twice, got a scar.)
Normal person: "Huh, it is heckin' pokemon after all. Probably we can deal with it."
Middle classer: "There is A SECOND VILLAIN HOLY CRAP OMG OMG"

What horrible crisis will this new villain cause?
Oh noes, the villain is looking at me! Unclean! Unclean!
"He glanced around the room once more, and I held back vomit as he stared at me for a few seconds longer than everyone else."

Truly an unbearable calamity.
Could you hold it together? If someone looked at you this one time, the day you met?
He's so brave for tolerating an awkwardly long glance. 

 

Bonus round: the other heroes still exist. If he did nothing, they would take care of it, it would merely take longer. 

 

Speaking of social boilerplate. the guy takes a big risk at the start, because he doesn't have anything to spend on bootstrapping himself except his safety. It's not a character moment or anything, it's an exigency. (When they're not brooding and virtue signalling, the middle class tends to act relatively sensibly. "Why did you do that?" "I don't wanna talk about it." Of course. Figures.)
Naturally we are treated to every other character properly scolding him for something he is already not going to do again. What if someone thought the author encouraged such behaviour? We can't have that, now can we? It would be...Inappropriate!
Plus, you know, it's heckin' pokemon. The book is PG-rated. Nearly G. He can't die, he can only be "defeated" or faint. 


P.S. Pretty sure that specifically the middle class should not only not have free speech, but should be banned from speaking in public at all, for any reason. No speeches, no ads, no presentations, no lectures, no non-private tweets, no carnival barking. No talking to strangers at all without an invitation. If it rises above "bloke down the pub told me" dey banned. Fine them even if they shout fire in a theatre that is, in fact, on fire.

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