Ant Theology

 I can't help myself. Or maybe I can and can't be arsed.

 

 Imagine a human makes a lovely ant farm. Then he grinds up an apple and daubs the apple sauce into the ant farm. "Hey ants, don't eat this apple."
 Of course ants don't understand human language and eat the apple. The ant-farmer punishes the ants by punting them out of the ant farm. (Into a different, worse ant farm.)
 The ant farmer actually keeps the old ant farm around but hires somebody to guard it so that no ants can live there. The apple sauce keeps rotting so the ant farmer has to carefully scoop it out and put in new, fresh apple sauce for no ants to eat. The guard uses a flaming sword for some reason.

 

 A human makes a somewhat less lovely ant farm. The ant population grows too much so he floods the ant farm. Then he feels remorse and promises not to drown the ants again. He tell the ants about this promise by putting food colouring in their water. He uses different colours at different times. (Ants can only distinguish red, maybe, sometimes.)

 Going back a bit, the ant farmer claims that ants can become immortal ageless and regenerating ants if they eat from a (miniature) tree in the forbidden ant farm. The fact you can't meet an ageless ant is supposed to be proof that the forbidding is working.

 The ant farmer promises to revive the ants when they die (not in a way anyone can check) provided the believe he made the ant farm. And all the ants in the ant farm.
 Although he allegedly created the ants in every detail, and provided everything they need to live or indeed do anything, when they do something he doesn't like, it's not his fault. It's their fault.

 The ant farmer appoints ant priests to speak for him. He doesn't tell anyone how to tell the difference between a real priest and a fake one.
 (The ants still don't understand human language and have no idea the priests are even appointed.)
 Fake ant priests evolve and start preaching some other religion. The human doesn't do anything.

 The human makes a giant ant. He genetically engineers every detail of the ant, including its psychology. The giant ant picks a fight with the human. By [giant] I mean only a foot or two long, so the human squishes the ant with his boot.
 The human then writes a long book about the human kicked the ant's ass and what a loser that ant is. The human gives the book to the ants. (Who are still normal, illiterate ants.) The human says he'll torture any ant who doesn't read the book. Or more precisely, if the ants do anything the human doesn't like, instead of drowning them or kicking them out of the ant box, he'll reincarnate the nasty giant ant and send the giant ant after the regular ant. 

 In the middle of the story, he starts listing off individual ant family trees. They cut off in the middle, before they can be traced to any actual ants in the actual ant farm, and he goes back to telling the previous story. He does not explain.

 The ants still can't read. 

 Actually the flaming-sword guy is using a formic-acid mandible with proper ant-pheromones on it. A sword would be too human - the ants wouldn't find it familiar and evocative. The mandible drips acid despite not being attached to a living ant, because reasons. 

 The human promises the ants that he will remake them into immortal transcendent ants later. He's uselessly vague about how, to whom, when, and, especially, why he didn't do that in the first place.

 

 

 

 The bible only works on narcissists who have no theory of mind and lack any shred of empathy. If you're vaguely functional, the best result a christian can expect out of making you read the bible is turning you into an atheist. Elaborate proof that the author has never had contact with the divine. Indeed in the historical record you can see numerous examplesof rulers becoming secret atheists as a result of exposure to the bible. "God works in mysterious ways," meaning they know it makes no sense and there is no answer to the associated questions. It's nonsensical on purpose. Christians come across as crazy fanatics because they're crazy.

 The [[[[[[[[god]]]]]]]]] of the bible is nothing more than the most grandiose narcissist. Perfected mental illness. He demands you love him to prove he shouldn't hate himself. It doesn't work. The one having the worst crisis of faith is jesus, and like all narcissists, the only faith he cares about is faith in himself. Undiluted self-hatred.